Quote #21

Always go to other people's funerals; otherwise, they won't go to yours.

Quote #20

It's better to have something to remember than nothing to regret...

Quote #19

Interviewer: "So Frank, you have long hair. Does that make you a woman?"
Frank Zappa: "You have a wooden leg. Does that make you a table?"

Quote #18

Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.

Quote #17

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else.

Quote #16

If we can't be free, at least we can be cheap.

Quote #15

A mind is like a parachute. It doesn't work if it's not open.

Quote #14

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

Quote #13

They don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

Quotes #12

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom.

Quotes #11

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

Quote #10

Being bisexual doubles your chance of a date on Saturday night.

Quote #9

The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

Quote #8

It's a good thing we have gravity or else when birds died they'd just stay right up there. Hunters would be all confused.

Quote #7

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.

Quote #6

It is always advisable to be a loser if you cannot become a winner.

Quote #5

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.